Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
