After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
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