you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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