One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I want to be your penis for a week.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
