The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
