I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Randomize
