i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
