And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
