Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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