i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
