would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
