"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
i can't believe i had my finger in that
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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