she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
