I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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