now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Randomize
