yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Randomize
