i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Let's get the cat blown out
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
