wrigley field is MILF paradise
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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