it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
