I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
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