The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
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I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
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library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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