I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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