I'm going to rape someone's good day.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Randomize
