you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Randomize
