just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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