I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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