Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
i was born a porn star she said
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
