end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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