census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
