i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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