Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
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