Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
