5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
