You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
