i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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