I wish I could punch you in the face.
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
