Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
