I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
