I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize