I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
