No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Randomize
