Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
then he tried to convert me to islam
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Randomize
