Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
