Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Randomize
