He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
