so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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