and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
