I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Actions speak louder than pants.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
