Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
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