I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Randomize
