U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
There was a lot of him and a little penis
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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