Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Randomize
