Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
