I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
