yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Randomize
