Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Randomize
