and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
