He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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