Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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