idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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