If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Randomize
