Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
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