Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
