based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
