life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Randomize
