Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I think we might need a safe word for this...
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
