I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Randomize
