Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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