you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
