bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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