im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Randomize
