When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
