He is like the real live version of the state fair..
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
