i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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