It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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