"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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