Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
